


Phone Tag

by crumpled_up



Category: House M.D.
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-02
Updated: 2010-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-10 22:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crumpled_up/pseuds/crumpled_up
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various messages Wilson leaves on House's machine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phone Tag

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR SEASON 7. Based off of and inspired by the third House promo.

**Message #1**

"House? I know you're there. C'mon. Pick up. I need to talk to you. Fine. Don't talk to me. I'm coming over to check up on you."

  
**Message #2**

"House! If you don't pick up your phone, I'm coming in. You know what—never mind. I'm coming in."

  
**Message #3**

"House, where the hell are you? And why the hell is there a hole in your wall? What'd you use, a sledgehammer? Call me."

  
**Message #7**

"I know you're avoiding me. I don't know why, but I have the information you wanted on Lucas and Cuddy. Call me if you want to find out."

  
**Message #9**

"Don't get mad at me. I called Cuddy. I left her a message, too. Just… call. Please."

  
**Message #14**

"Seriously. This is ridiculous. Are you even alive?"

  
**Message #18**

"You're dead, aren't you. I'm talking to a dead man. Even better, I'm leaving messages on a dead man's machine. Fuck you."

  
**Message #19**

"You're laughing at me right now. I can tell. Probably rolling over in your grave, you bastard. Talk to me."

  
**Message #25**

"Your inbox is getting full. Just… send me a sign from hell. Or something."

  
**Message #34**

"Okay, when I said send me a sign I didn't mean try to burn my house down. Sam's hair got singed and she had to chop off half of it. Now she looks like something that walked out of a Tim Burton movie. Thank you for that. I blame you. I don't care if you're dead. I'll kill you again. Slowly. Maybe burn you at the stake. I'm coming for you, House."

  
**Message #35**

"I… might've been too hasty with that last message. Sorry. Turns out that one of the burners is faulty and Sam tried igniting it with a match… and you can figure out what happened from there. She still looks like a Tim Burton creation though. You'd appreciate that."

  
**Message #39**

"Finally! I have to leave you a message about Sam burning off her hair and eyebrows to get you to call me back? And don't sound too happy about that, by the way. Wait, you sounded happy. Are you okay? What's going on? I know Sam's bad hair day does not cause that kind of happiness. Call me back."

  
**Message #40**

"Oh. My. God. You're happy. Happy is just… weird. Please tell me you're not high. Or drunk. Or on some experimental drug that induces happiness. Please."

  
**Message #41**

"Please. House. If you've relapsed… I can help you. If you want. Or we can talk with your therapist. Anything. Just call me back. I'm serious."

  
**Message #47**

"Okay, I get it. You want to be left alone. This is my last message. Promise. You better tell me what's going on. Full disclosure. That way if you need me to run interference with Cuddy about… whatever you're doing, I can help. By the way, have you heard from her? I must've left a dozen messages and she hasn't called back. That's not like her. Anyway, call me."

  
**Message #48**

"You better be at work tomorrow. I know you can—"

"Fine, Wilson. Just shut the hell up and stop leaving annoying messages. What's a guy gotta do to get some privacy around here?"

"House?"

"Not here."

Click.


End file.
